Sunday, September 25, 2011

Should I Avoid Orgasm?

I was on the phone with a wonderful woman recently, very spiritually aware and present, and we were discussing a totally unrelated topic, when she nervously asked if she could ask me a more intimate question. I responded, yes of course!  I love supporting people in asking the toughest, most embarrassing questions.  And creating that safe space to do so is very important to me!

So she proceeded to ask about orgasms.  "Should I avoid having orgasms?"  She had been exploring her sexuality and her spirituality, and after reading about some tantric practices was concerned that she may be losing life force energy through her orgasms, so perhaps she should limit them.  She had experienced some mystical, orgasmic experiences in meditation, and thought that perhaps she should limit the physical sexual experiences in favor of exploring the mystical.

In short my answer was "Heck no!  If they feel good, no need to stop!  Enjoy your orgasms! Yes, keep having them! Feel them nourish you!"  and oh by the way, by exploring the physical and sexual, you can also expand your capacity to explore the spiritual and mystical! 

I went on to explain my thoughts on this topic! 

Many of the ancient texts were written by men for men, so sometimes in the translation process the relevancy for women gets missed.  What I believe she had likely encountered were teachings that are focused for men based on ancient traditions that work within the realm of energy. 

To state this complex topic as simply as possible, begins with the premise that our creative, sexual, life force energy is contained within our sexual organs (sperm in the testicles for men, ova (eggs) in the ovaries for women).  Therefore when a man has a traditional orgasm* that includes an ejaculation, he releases sperm from his body and therefore loses some of that life force energy.  However, when women experience orgasm, we do not release the ovum from our body, and therefore do not necessarily experience the same drain of energy.  (Notice I say "necessarily", let's come back to this later** :)  Instead, a woman will more typically feel drained during menstruation, when the egg leaves the body.

Female orgasms generate a tremendous amount of wonderful, nourishing, nurturing, magnetic energy! Think of it as a coccoon of energy surrounding her and her partner(s).  All those involved are then able to breathe and absorb the healing, nurturing qualities of this energy into their own bodies and energy fields.  Allow it in, feel the vibrancy, the nourishment and let it feed you with love and light!

So yes ladies!  Allow yourself to freely experience your orgasms!  Share the loving energy with your partner and breathe in the nurturing qualities for yourselves as well! 

* Orgasm for men as we typically know of it includes an ejaculation at so nearly the same time that we don't even realize they are two separate events.  Yes guys, orgasm and ejaculation can be separated!  This is an empowering practice that can change your capacity for pleasure and pleasure with your partner, in phenomenal ways!  See to learn more.

**And yes there are many types of female orgasm, some feel more draining than others.  In short, "energy-giving" orgasms are an exploration of expansion and blooming open in bliss, whereas "energy-draining" orgasms are more contracting and tense, maybe even feeling like "it wasn't worth it" afterwards.  You can learn to enjoy energy-giving orgasms as often as you like!   See for classes and private sessions to learn more. Also, more on Female Orgasm in a future blog! Including a whole new way of looking at orgasms (they aren't just limited to physical experiences!) :)

As always I welcome comments here and please feel free to contact me directly!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

PC Muscles can do what?!

So my Love just dug out my old exercise ball to use as a chair and it reminded me of nearly a decade ago when I was in labor with my daughter.  I recall the wonderful feeling of laboring while letting my pelvic floor sink onto a similar ball at the hospital.  It was so relaxing and wonderful to feel the gentle counter pressure of the ball supporting me.  Then I also remembered the birth.  Magical and wonderful to bring my daughter into this world, one of the most beautiful experiences of my life! Yet it was filled with anxiety, fear, tension and pain.  I pushed like crazy, assuming that my body fitness from being an long time endurance triathlete was helping me out...hey I can finish 140.6 mile races so I should be able to nail this giving birth thing, right?  I can "do" this!  I had practiced my Kegel clenches, I was strong, so this should be a piece of cake!

Was I ever wrong.

Childbirth is like life.  And I was approaching it the way I had approached life for so many years.  Be strong, do it myself, don't let anyone else in.  Muscle my way through it.

Let me invite you to consider a new way.  Letting go, finding a balance of relaxed surrender and purposeful action is such a smoother way to flow with life...and childbirth!

One of the biggest awarenesses I've had in my exploration of sacred sexuality and healing is the power of the PC Muscles.  And wow are they a physical manifestation of the analogy for learning to let go!

PC Muscles.  Pubococcygeus muscle.  The muscles in the pelvic floor that retain the flow of urine for example.  Found in both men and women, fitness and fluidity in these muscles can change the way we experience childbirth as well as our sexuality, vibrancy and orgasm.

So my aha moment was when I realized you can do more than what most of us know as "Kegel clenches" with these muscles!

Many of us know about clenching them, pulling upward, retaining.  This can help create tone in the muscles, which is really important.  And only one half of the balance.  The clench pulling upward tends to create and inspire tension.  So we are told "clench and release clench and release" and what often happens in my experience and in my research with others is we "clench hold, maybe release a fraction, then clench again".  The release and relax portion gets sort of skimmed over.  And the next piece gets ignored altogether....

So here's the other piece!  And no one tells us about this!  You can actually relax them, then push out the other way, so the sensation is a blooming, an opening, downward and outward.

Ahhhh!!  Clench, release (really release, not just a little bit) and RELAX (this takes a ton of time and relaxation and practice of "being" not doing... so foreign for most of us who carry chronic tightness in the pelvic floor) and then push downward, outward and bloom open!

I truly believe I went through nearly the entire experience of childbirth clenching and pulling upward, effectively holding on to my daughter, when I thought I was pushing her out!  No wonder it took so long and felt so hard!

It's only now, a decade later, after a lot of pelvic awareness and healing that I can notice the difference between a "clenching, retaining" muscle push and a "blooming, releasing" muscle push.  The empowerment in my life, my sexuality and my orgasmic repertoire (oh so the topic of an upcoming blog!) has been life changing!

So I implore all women (and men too!  just not so much for the childbirth part :)...take notice!  Bring awareness to your pelvic floor, breathe deeply into your belly and lower abdomen, soften, relax, start to notice this area of the body that we all tend to hold so tightly.  This is not about 6 pack abs, flat bellies or tight asses, think beautiful Buddha belly and let your body soften and open.

No one tells us about this stuff!  I am here to change that!  :)  Feel free to reach out, contact me, and leave a comment!