Monday, June 18, 2012

What is your "Sex Elevator Speech"?!

A couple of months ago at a Temple Community Gathering here at Mystery School of the Temple Arts in Dearborn, MI, we explored sharing our "Sex Elevator Speeches", and at the most recent Gathering yesterday, the topic came up again with wild interest!  So I decided to share more about it!

Gratitude to one of my amazing teachers and fellow colleague, Reid Mihalko, for sharing this!  His wild, open and safe approach to love and sexuality is inspiring and fun!   He suggests sharing 5 key points about your Sexuality with anyone you meet!  Try offering your answers to the following 5 questions with a friend, a lover or a new connection...and then ask them to share theirs with you!:

  1. What is your Relationship Status, and what are your Relationship Rules/Boundaries?  Are you not in a relationship at all?  Do you have one partner?  More than one partner?  Which gender(s)?  Are you married?  Do you follow traditional rules in your marriage or have you agreed to alternative ones?  What are your unique rules? Etc.
  2. When were you last tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI's)?, which ones?, what were the results?  Release fear and shame about these infections, open honest communication can shift a ton of anxiety.  Learn more about the infections and notice they aren't as scary as you may think.  Learn safe ways to connect deeply, regardless of your status. 
  3. What are your Safer Sex Protocols? For example condom you use one for penetrative sex only?  Oral sex?  Do you use a dental dam?  Do you have a fluid bonded partner (meaning no barrier usage at all)? Etc.
  4. What do you really Like to explore sexually? Note, this does not have to be just a list of "sex acts"...your answer might include something like one of mine that I will share here! "I really like to explore deep, conscious, connections with people, both men and women, and let our bodies decide how that energy sharing unfolds!"
  5. What do you Not Like?  Again, in addition to a list of actions, explore what other facets don't work for you.  One of mine is: "I don't like disrespect or boundary pushing.  I love to explore a range of energies from soft and expansive to intense and raw, perhaps even shocking to some...however it must be with full awareness and respect of all parties involved!"
And don't assume you know the answers for yourself until you speak them!   If you are in a partnership, explore saying them out loud, in your own words, with each other.  You might be surprised what you learn together!

For example, my Love and I, after having been in a deeply connected, highly communicative, polyamorous relationship for over a year, were still surprised to hear how each of us shared our answers when we first learned this!  It was a beautiful way to expand our sexual path together!

In love and light!  Leslie


  1. An update to this incredible tool! Thanks again to Reid for initiating this dialogue with myself and others. And now, I want to add a great additional tool shared with me by Z & ZigZag: "7 Things to Share When Creating an Intimate Interaction in Community" which can be found here: