Often I work with people seeking to improve their intimacy and connection in their relationships. One of the most crucial aspects of supporting that deepening, is learning communication tools that support each of us as individuals, as well as nurturing the 3rd entity of the "us-ness" in relationship. One such tool is working with our Emotional Body.
When we are triggered into anger, frustration, jealousy, fear, etc it is crucial to acknowledge and FEEL it in the moment, let it move safely. Emotions that aren’t honored and are instead stuffed away, get stuck in the body and eventually manifest as tightness, pain, disease, even cancer. Don’t allow them to fester, process them as they arise. And acknowledge that there are likely many old ones stuck right now, the very trigger moment that arises has very little to do with what just happened, and a lot to do with what you’ve stored away over time. So as you begin this practice, there may be a lot more to process than you expect. Allow yourself to follow it, and you will find the old stuff will release, de-fuse and the triggered places happen less and less, and in smaller ways. Here are some steps to processing in the moment:
1. Recognize the emotion in the moment
a. You may suddenly feel disconnected, paralyzed, out of body
b. Sensations in your solar plexus center (3rd chakra)
2. Say it out loud
a. Own it as mine, takes partner out of the picture
b. Allows partner to become witness
c. Hard for Ego!
3. Tell your partner “I need some time for myself to move some energy and I will return soon”
a. No drama/games
b. Release old “subconscious contracts” that drain energy (you know the ones…like “You get angry, I get frustrated, you get sad, I feel guilty” notice if you have a particular pattern, this helps you step outside of it to break the pattern)
4. Be active! Move the energy
a. Bulk Energy releasing tools (Emotional Release) – Rules: do not hurt yourself, or anyone or anything. For example, do NOT direct anger at your partner
i. Pillow Hitting
ii. Hand scream
iv. Pelvic thrusts
b. Cathartic movement
c. Even if you want to curl into a ball, especially if you want to curl into a ball, MOVE instead
Do NOT make your partner responsible for creating unhappiness in you!
If you must stay in proximity, remain in the “I feel” discussion (not the “blame” or “you did” discussion).
Once you release and move some energy and feel some spaciousness, return and acknowledge your partner and yourself. If it’s possible to share in the moment do, or create an intentional time/space to do so in the near future. Journal about what you’ve noticed for yourself.
Give yourself a breath of gratitude for taking time for your own healing and growth! Be gentle with yourself, reach out for help and support from a Sacred Sexual Healer & Transformational Guide if you desire additional assistance or feel overwhelmed by the process. I would be honored to support you on your journey of self-healing and awareness, please email or call! My contact information is at my website: www.MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com
(portions of this post were inspired by “Tantric Orgasm for Women” by Diana Richardson)