I was recently at a yoga workshop with Arthur Kilmurray and was inspired in so many ways (special thank you to Katherine Schaefer for hosting)! I had many, what I call, "Body Aha Moments!" as he teaches from a place rooted in body wisdom. And in the realm of body our biggest hurdle can often be slowing down enough to notice the messages! He shared a quote about living life from Mary Oliver that really resonated for me, and it went something like this:
"Notice (Pay Attention), Be Astonished (Get excited!) and TELL About it!"
Those closest to me see how often I get excited about new awarenesses, things to share, it's so wonderful! Often though, for me, I get stuck before the "Tell About it" Part...I share with those close to me but the vulnerability of sharing more broadly sometimes feels scary and I contract.
As Spirit is guiding me to share my story, more and more I am feeling called to share the deeper, harder stuff. To invite others to see that there are possibilities in life, love, consciousness and sexuality far beyond what we often think are possible.
Sure enough, as I declared my readiness to the Universe, a beautiful opportunity unfolded. And now I am thrilled and honored to announce my new Radio Show!
I am so excited!! I will be hosting this monthly radio program beginning March 20, 2012! "Sacred Sexuality with Leslie Blackburn" will air live on Body Mind Spirit Radio the 3rd Tuesday of each month from 10-11am (now a new time, same day!).
Options to Listen in live:
1) Internet streaming: Go to Body Mind Spirit Radio (no sign-in required)
2) By phone: call 646 378-0378 to listen in! You don't have to talk, however if you choose to talk, dial 1 to be in the caller queue
3) Join in directly to Leslie's Show Event on Body Mind Spirit Radio (requires a free sign-up, enables you to leave a comment & join in the chat room)
First one: Tuesday Mar 20, 2012, 12-1pm (EST), continuing the 3rd Tuesday of each month!
Please join me each month for straight talk, enthusiastic support and heart-felt encouragement for YOU to OPEN up to YOUR Sacred Sexuality!
Insights on Love, Spirit, and Sexuality, from Leslie Blackburn, "Light Bearer", Sacred Sexual Healer & Transformational Guide
Friday, March 2, 2012
Sunday, December 25, 2011
“Normal” is just a button on a washing machine
At this time of the winter solstice nature experiences an energy of slowing down, going inward, and shedding of old skins - like deaths in preparation for rebirth. This is reflected in us as well, yet sometimes we meet this natural tendency with resistance, or feel so overwhelmed with activity and stresses that we don’t even realize we need to slow down.
So as I sank into some inward time recently, I realized that much of how my life is structured now is so very different than 15, 10, or even 5 years ago! The way I naturally experience my life now, they way I create it, is so vastly different than before that I often forget that at one time I didn’t even realize it was possible! And so as I hear clients and other people remark about frustrations they have in their own lives, often in 3rd person generalizations…things like “well you know, all men out there are…” or “everyone is stressed out and rushed, that’s normal” or “no I wasn’t abused, but I did experience, you know, the ‘normal’ spankings and verbal attacks of child hood” or “you can’t just leave your job…”
I would like to offer a new way of seeing it - a sample of a possible reality, a portion of my story. And share that it didn’t all happen easily or overnight, it was progression of waking up, seeing things a new way, making mistakes and trying again, feeling the differences in my body as I explored new ways of being.
So let me share a few things that I used to consider “normal”, or even necessary, that are no longer a regular part of my life:
So if you feel stuck, how can you begin to make the shifts that feel good for you? How do you even know what feels good from a place of authentic self? (Note this can be very different than the messages from your wounded self that often throws in some curve balls like “oh yes eating chocolate covered marshmallows all day long sounds like it would feel soooo good!”)
The book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron was one of my big inspirations for this. I was resistant at first…I remember thinking, ”I’m not a writer”. I recall at one point in my early days of journaling literally writing the words “blah, blah, blah, I don’t feel like writing right now, I don’t know what I should be writing, blah, blah, blah….” And within a few more lines, emotions, thoughts and important awarenesses in my life began pouring onto the pages. The key was giving it a chance, actually doing it daily to create the new pattern.
Years later, I still journal regularly as an integral part of my life and how I process self-growth. What and how it works for me has changed in many beautiful ways and it all began with simply putting pen to paper!
Slowing down like this gives us a chance to actually notice the messages that may be bombarding us to get our attention, but we’re operating in such an accelerated state we never knew they were there. So if you feel a flood of thoughts…take this chance to journal! Capture the ones you are worried you’ll forget about, make a to-do list, etc. Notice the ones that don’t need your attention and let them float on. And notice if some come in that you are resisting: write them down, see them, witness them. Give them the honor of being seen, even if you don’t like it. And then notice if some space opens up to just BE in the moment.
Often our mind just needs some reassurance that you’ve got things captured, so you can let go of the reins a little bit and relax.
I was drawn to yoga initially for the physical benefits (at the time I was endurance athlete who had experienced many overuse injuries) to improve flexibility and strengthen the small balancing muscles in my body. What I experienced over the last 15 years in my practice was a shift in awareness to the spirituality of yoga, the life philosophy of yoga. What began as “what poses can I do?” has grown into “what can I learn about myself from the poses?”. My yoga practice has helped me discover more about who I really am, because of the awareness it’s brought me about the messages of my body and breath.
Consider this…there is no “normal”! “Normal” is just a button on a washing machine. The only people who are “normal” are the ones you don’t know very well. YOU get to define your life, you don’t have to force yourself into any boxes that society wants to create for you. Rewrite your script, repattern the old limiting beliefs that lead you into thinking they are the only way.
You have the power to choose!
Decide if anything I've suggested here resonates for you and if so, go for it! And no need to beat yourself up if it feels like there’s too much to tackle at once! Go slow, take your time, start noticing your life and your patterns and see if there are ways to make small changes right now that will shift your trajectory over time. It doesn’t have to match my list, I only offer it here as a possible reality. Notice what your list is. And while it all doesn’t have to happen overnight… Yes it CAN BEGIN right now!
What do you feel stuck with because you assume it's "normal"? What do you choose to change?
Update! I invite you to join in what has become a daily practice for me, year around, for the past several years. I feel safer in my body, more comfortable in my skin, more relaxed and less anxious than ever before. It helps me release stress and "plug-in" to the sweet resource of the Earth....Ahhhhh! See more about and how to do this practice at my video "Barefeet Earth!!" here>>
So as I sank into some inward time recently, I realized that much of how my life is structured now is so very different than 15, 10, or even 5 years ago! The way I naturally experience my life now, they way I create it, is so vastly different than before that I often forget that at one time I didn’t even realize it was possible! And so as I hear clients and other people remark about frustrations they have in their own lives, often in 3rd person generalizations…things like “well you know, all men out there are…” or “everyone is stressed out and rushed, that’s normal” or “no I wasn’t abused, but I did experience, you know, the ‘normal’ spankings and verbal attacks of child hood” or “you can’t just leave your job…”
I would like to offer a new way of seeing it - a sample of a possible reality, a portion of my story. And share that it didn’t all happen easily or overnight, it was progression of waking up, seeing things a new way, making mistakes and trying again, feeling the differences in my body as I explored new ways of being.
So let me share a few things that I used to consider “normal”, or even necessary, that are no longer a regular part of my life:
- Diet Coke (or other artificial beverages) – in high school I drank the stuff like crazy, I quit a year or two into college, suddenly headaches I had experienced regularly went away. Over time, other artificial foods and substances that no longer resonate for me have dropped away as well.
- Bar Scene – I thought the only form of recreation and meeting people was hanging out with alcohol and “friends”. Sure it was great for numbing out, but once the drinking stopped I realized how sensory-overloading the places are. Sports on TV’s, music, loud conversations, aggressive behaviors, heavy food, smoke (or at least in those days) so overwhelming to the senses…that is, when I finally started to feel my senses again.
- The TV and associated media bombardment - I realized the thing was on when no one was even in the room. Or it would be on with people in the room and no one watching it. So I turned it off. At first it was hard… it was so QUIET! Wow, silence. Suddenly I had to start listening to the voices in my head that I had been drowning out for so long.
- Sitting at a Desk – I sat at a desk all through school, college, 15 years of corporate engineering. We in the west just assume we must sit in chairs and position tables or desks in front of us to eat or work. I began sitting cross-legged, meditation style, on a zafu (cushion filled with buck wheat hulls, designed for meditation) years ago to explore meditation and yoga. I realized after I left corporate life that I enjoyed sitting that way so much more than in a chair. So I created a workstation for my laptop which positions it in front of me at arm level, while seated on a zafu on the floor. This is how I spent the computer portion of my “work day” now!
So if you feel stuck, how can you begin to make the shifts that feel good for you? How do you even know what feels good from a place of authentic self? (Note this can be very different than the messages from your wounded self that often throws in some curve balls like “oh yes eating chocolate covered marshmallows all day long sounds like it would feel soooo good!”)
Here are a few things that have been pivotal for me.
Journaling
Get a journal and a pen and start writing! Stream of consciousness at first, just dump out all the thoughts in your head. No need to write with any grammar or spelling perfection, or even sentence structure. Just let the thoughts pour out.The book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron was one of my big inspirations for this. I was resistant at first…I remember thinking, ”I’m not a writer”. I recall at one point in my early days of journaling literally writing the words “blah, blah, blah, I don’t feel like writing right now, I don’t know what I should be writing, blah, blah, blah….” And within a few more lines, emotions, thoughts and important awarenesses in my life began pouring onto the pages. The key was giving it a chance, actually doing it daily to create the new pattern.
Years later, I still journal regularly as an integral part of my life and how I process self-growth. What and how it works for me has changed in many beautiful ways and it all began with simply putting pen to paper!
Meditation
Just slow down enough to notice 5 breaths. Sit quietly, remove distractions (silence phones, turn down lights, find a comfy way to support your body while remaining alert, an erect seated position works well for this if you can get comfy in it…knees below hips help keep the back happy) and notice your breathing. See if you can count 5 breaths, each inhale, each exhale, and just notice what it feels like to breathe. If after those first 5 breaths it still feels good to explore what might open up, stay seated and continue. If after those first 5 breaths it feels like you are done, then get up and continue with your day.Slowing down like this gives us a chance to actually notice the messages that may be bombarding us to get our attention, but we’re operating in such an accelerated state we never knew they were there. So if you feel a flood of thoughts…take this chance to journal! Capture the ones you are worried you’ll forget about, make a to-do list, etc. Notice the ones that don’t need your attention and let them float on. And notice if some come in that you are resisting: write them down, see them, witness them. Give them the honor of being seen, even if you don’t like it. And then notice if some space opens up to just BE in the moment.
Often our mind just needs some reassurance that you’ve got things captured, so you can let go of the reins a little bit and relax.
Yoga
Yoga or, at a minimum, a form of movement where you are also noticing your breath and your body is also important. Mindful, intentional movement and flow is very different than disconnecting from your body and forcing yourself to “exercise” because you “should” (hmm….reading a magazine on the stationary bike sound familiar to anyone? Yes, I have to admit, it does to me!). Yoga is about union, finding and connecting with opposite energies in the body to integrate and find balance.I was drawn to yoga initially for the physical benefits (at the time I was endurance athlete who had experienced many overuse injuries) to improve flexibility and strengthen the small balancing muscles in my body. What I experienced over the last 15 years in my practice was a shift in awareness to the spirituality of yoga, the life philosophy of yoga. What began as “what poses can I do?” has grown into “what can I learn about myself from the poses?”. My yoga practice has helped me discover more about who I really am, because of the awareness it’s brought me about the messages of my body and breath.
Consider this…there is no “normal”! “Normal” is just a button on a washing machine. The only people who are “normal” are the ones you don’t know very well. YOU get to define your life, you don’t have to force yourself into any boxes that society wants to create for you. Rewrite your script, repattern the old limiting beliefs that lead you into thinking they are the only way.
You have the power to choose!
Decide if anything I've suggested here resonates for you and if so, go for it! And no need to beat yourself up if it feels like there’s too much to tackle at once! Go slow, take your time, start noticing your life and your patterns and see if there are ways to make small changes right now that will shift your trajectory over time. It doesn’t have to match my list, I only offer it here as a possible reality. Notice what your list is. And while it all doesn’t have to happen overnight… Yes it CAN BEGIN right now!
Update! I invite you to join in what has become a daily practice for me, year around, for the past several years. I feel safer in my body, more comfortable in my skin, more relaxed and less anxious than ever before. It helps me release stress and "plug-in" to the sweet resource of the Earth....Ahhhhh! See more about and how to do this practice at my video "Barefeet Earth!!" here>>
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Play! Laughter as Healing!
During a yoga class I was taking recently, my teacher asked us to reflect back on the earliest memories of being a child just spinning around in circles in the yard until falling over in exhaustion and laughter. She encouraged us to bring that element of playful freedom into our practice that morning. Yes! I love this! And I so enjoyed playing in that freedom during my practice! However, at the same time I realized my most playful memories are more recent than childhood. As I kid I was always so shy and hard on myself that I never really let myself let go into that care-free bliss.
So a few days later unseasonably warm weather inspired my 9 yr old daughter and I to spend some time at the park. We ended up playing on the play structure, in a very open space near the ball fields. I had a blast hanging upside down on the monkey bars (thanks to my recent love of the aerial arts totally healing my traumatic experience of falling from them as a kid, a subject worthy of a blog of it's own!).
But when she asked me to play Hide & Seek, my initial analytical reaction was to think "oh no, there's really no place to hide around here, and I don't like playing hide and seek, and...". Immediately the inspiration from yoga flooded back in through my body...YES! I WILL play hide and seek, because, well why not?!
So we did! "3, 2, 1...ready or not here I come!!"
The wide open space we were in made "logical" hiding spots limited. And what I quickly experienced was you don't always need logic...just PLAY!
On my first turn to hide, I curled in a ball on the grass underneath the picnic blanket we brought. Surely she won't see me, she'll see it as just a crumple on the ground. As I waited for the count down my ribs heaved with the laughter I was trying to suppress...which made me laugh even harder at the thought! Of course she quickly came up behind me and announced she could see my shoes, which just caused an explosion of laughter as she pounced on top of me blanket and all!!
Another time as I "hid" in plain view on top of the play structure in a ball, she walked about two step before being directly in my line of sight. "WAIT!" I declared, as I placed a pebble on my head. "I am hiding under a rock and you can't see me!!" BWWAHHH HA HA! We roared again and again!!!...
I can't recall the last time I laughed so hard and let go in play so deeply! And it felt sooooo good! My connection with my daughter deepened, and I felt so alive and vibrant! Truly a healing, blissful experience :)
So a few days later unseasonably warm weather inspired my 9 yr old daughter and I to spend some time at the park. We ended up playing on the play structure, in a very open space near the ball fields. I had a blast hanging upside down on the monkey bars (thanks to my recent love of the aerial arts totally healing my traumatic experience of falling from them as a kid, a subject worthy of a blog of it's own!).
But when she asked me to play Hide & Seek, my initial analytical reaction was to think "oh no, there's really no place to hide around here, and I don't like playing hide and seek, and...". Immediately the inspiration from yoga flooded back in through my body...YES! I WILL play hide and seek, because, well why not?!
So we did! "3, 2, 1...ready or not here I come!!"
The wide open space we were in made "logical" hiding spots limited. And what I quickly experienced was you don't always need logic...just PLAY!
On my first turn to hide, I curled in a ball on the grass underneath the picnic blanket we brought. Surely she won't see me, she'll see it as just a crumple on the ground. As I waited for the count down my ribs heaved with the laughter I was trying to suppress...which made me laugh even harder at the thought! Of course she quickly came up behind me and announced she could see my shoes, which just caused an explosion of laughter as she pounced on top of me blanket and all!!
Another time as I "hid" in plain view on top of the play structure in a ball, she walked about two step before being directly in my line of sight. "WAIT!" I declared, as I placed a pebble on my head. "I am hiding under a rock and you can't see me!!" BWWAHHH HA HA! We roared again and again!!!...
I can't recall the last time I laughed so hard and let go in play so deeply! And it felt sooooo good! My connection with my daughter deepened, and I felt so alive and vibrant! Truly a healing, blissful experience :)
Invite yourself to let go in play, what's stopping you?!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Should I Avoid Orgasm?
I was on the phone with a wonderful woman recently, very spiritually aware and present, and we were discussing a totally unrelated topic, when she nervously asked if she could ask me a more intimate question. I responded, yes of course! I love supporting people in asking the toughest, most embarrassing questions. And creating that safe space to do so is very important to me!
So she proceeded to ask about orgasms. "Should I avoid having orgasms?" She had been exploring her sexuality and her spirituality, and after reading about some tantric practices was concerned that she may be losing life force energy through her orgasms, so perhaps she should limit them. She had experienced some mystical, orgasmic experiences in meditation, and thought that perhaps she should limit the physical sexual experiences in favor of exploring the mystical.
In short my answer was "Heck no! If they feel good, no need to stop! Enjoy your orgasms! Yes, keep having them! Feel them nourish you!" and oh by the way, by exploring the physical and sexual, you can also expand your capacity to explore the spiritual and mystical!
I went on to explain my thoughts on this topic!
Many of the ancient texts were written by men for men, so sometimes in the translation process the relevancy for women gets missed. What I believe she had likely encountered were teachings that are focused for men based on ancient traditions that work within the realm of energy.
To state this complex topic as simply as possible, begins with the premise that our creative, sexual, life force energy is contained within our sexual organs (sperm in the testicles for men, ova (eggs) in the ovaries for women). Therefore when a man has a traditional orgasm* that includes an ejaculation, he releases sperm from his body and therefore loses some of that life force energy. However, when women experience orgasm, we do not release the ovum from our body, and therefore do not necessarily experience the same drain of energy. (Notice I say "necessarily", let's come back to this later** :) Instead, a woman will more typically feel drained during menstruation, when the egg leaves the body.
Female orgasms generate a tremendous amount of wonderful, nourishing, nurturing, magnetic energy! Think of it as a coccoon of energy surrounding her and her partner(s). All those involved are then able to breathe and absorb the healing, nurturing qualities of this energy into their own bodies and energy fields. Allow it in, feel the vibrancy, the nourishment and let it feed you with love and light!
So yes ladies! Allow yourself to freely experience your orgasms! Share the loving energy with your partner and breathe in the nurturing qualities for yourselves as well!
* Orgasm for men as we typically know of it includes an ejaculation at so nearly the same time that we don't even realize they are two separate events. Yes guys, orgasm and ejaculation can be separated! This is an empowering practice that can change your capacity for pleasure and pleasure with your partner, in phenomenal ways! See MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com to learn more.
**And yes there are many types of female orgasm, some feel more draining than others. In short, "energy-giving" orgasms are an exploration of expansion and blooming open in bliss, whereas "energy-draining" orgasms are more contracting and tense, maybe even feeling like "it wasn't worth it" afterwards. You can learn to enjoy energy-giving orgasms as often as you like! See MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com for classes and private sessions to learn more. Also, more on Female Orgasm in a future blog! Including a whole new way of looking at orgasms (they aren't just limited to physical experiences!) :)
As always I welcome comments here and please feel free to contact me directly!
So she proceeded to ask about orgasms. "Should I avoid having orgasms?" She had been exploring her sexuality and her spirituality, and after reading about some tantric practices was concerned that she may be losing life force energy through her orgasms, so perhaps she should limit them. She had experienced some mystical, orgasmic experiences in meditation, and thought that perhaps she should limit the physical sexual experiences in favor of exploring the mystical.
In short my answer was "Heck no! If they feel good, no need to stop! Enjoy your orgasms! Yes, keep having them! Feel them nourish you!" and oh by the way, by exploring the physical and sexual, you can also expand your capacity to explore the spiritual and mystical!
I went on to explain my thoughts on this topic!
Many of the ancient texts were written by men for men, so sometimes in the translation process the relevancy for women gets missed. What I believe she had likely encountered were teachings that are focused for men based on ancient traditions that work within the realm of energy.
To state this complex topic as simply as possible, begins with the premise that our creative, sexual, life force energy is contained within our sexual organs (sperm in the testicles for men, ova (eggs) in the ovaries for women). Therefore when a man has a traditional orgasm* that includes an ejaculation, he releases sperm from his body and therefore loses some of that life force energy. However, when women experience orgasm, we do not release the ovum from our body, and therefore do not necessarily experience the same drain of energy. (Notice I say "necessarily", let's come back to this later** :) Instead, a woman will more typically feel drained during menstruation, when the egg leaves the body.
Female orgasms generate a tremendous amount of wonderful, nourishing, nurturing, magnetic energy! Think of it as a coccoon of energy surrounding her and her partner(s). All those involved are then able to breathe and absorb the healing, nurturing qualities of this energy into their own bodies and energy fields. Allow it in, feel the vibrancy, the nourishment and let it feed you with love and light!
So yes ladies! Allow yourself to freely experience your orgasms! Share the loving energy with your partner and breathe in the nurturing qualities for yourselves as well!
* Orgasm for men as we typically know of it includes an ejaculation at so nearly the same time that we don't even realize they are two separate events. Yes guys, orgasm and ejaculation can be separated! This is an empowering practice that can change your capacity for pleasure and pleasure with your partner, in phenomenal ways! See MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com to learn more.
**And yes there are many types of female orgasm, some feel more draining than others. In short, "energy-giving" orgasms are an exploration of expansion and blooming open in bliss, whereas "energy-draining" orgasms are more contracting and tense, maybe even feeling like "it wasn't worth it" afterwards. You can learn to enjoy energy-giving orgasms as often as you like! See MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com for classes and private sessions to learn more. Also, more on Female Orgasm in a future blog! Including a whole new way of looking at orgasms (they aren't just limited to physical experiences!) :)
As always I welcome comments here and please feel free to contact me directly!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
PC Muscles can do what?!
So my Love just dug out my old exercise ball to use as a chair and it reminded me of nearly a decade ago when I was in labor with my daughter. I recall the wonderful feeling of laboring while letting my pelvic floor sink onto a similar ball at the hospital. It was so relaxing and wonderful to feel the gentle counter pressure of the ball supporting me. Then I also remembered the birth. Magical and wonderful to bring my daughter into this world, one of the most beautiful experiences of my life! Yet it was filled with anxiety, fear, tension and pain. I pushed like crazy, assuming that my body fitness from being an long time endurance triathlete was helping me out...hey I can finish 140.6 mile races so I should be able to nail this giving birth thing, right? I can "do" this! I had practiced my Kegel clenches, I was strong, so this should be a piece of cake!
Was I ever wrong.
Childbirth is like life. And I was approaching it the way I had approached life for so many years. Be strong, do it myself, don't let anyone else in. Muscle my way through it.
Let me invite you to consider a new way. Letting go, finding a balance of relaxed surrender and purposeful action is such a smoother way to flow with life...and childbirth!
One of the biggest awarenesses I've had in my exploration of sacred sexuality and healing is the power of the PC Muscles. And wow are they a physical manifestation of the analogy for learning to let go!
PC Muscles. Pubococcygeus muscle. The muscles in the pelvic floor that retain the flow of urine for example. Found in both men and women, fitness and fluidity in these muscles can change the way we experience childbirth as well as our sexuality, vibrancy and orgasm.
So my aha moment was when I realized you can do more than what most of us know as "Kegel clenches" with these muscles!
Many of us know about clenching them, pulling upward, retaining. This can help create tone in the muscles, which is really important. And only one half of the balance. The clench pulling upward tends to create and inspire tension. So we are told "clench and release clench and release" and what often happens in my experience and in my research with others is we "clench hold, maybe release a fraction, then clench again". The release and relax portion gets sort of skimmed over. And the next piece gets ignored altogether....
So here's the other piece! And no one tells us about this! You can actually relax them, then push out the other way, so the sensation is a blooming, an opening, downward and outward.
Ahhhh!! Clench, release (really release, not just a little bit) and RELAX (this takes a ton of time and relaxation and practice of "being" not doing... so foreign for most of us who carry chronic tightness in the pelvic floor) and then push downward, outward and bloom open!
I truly believe I went through nearly the entire experience of childbirth clenching and pulling upward, effectively holding on to my daughter, when I thought I was pushing her out! No wonder it took so long and felt so hard!
It's only now, a decade later, after a lot of pelvic awareness and healing that I can notice the difference between a "clenching, retaining" muscle push and a "blooming, releasing" muscle push. The empowerment in my life, my sexuality and my orgasmic repertoire (oh so the topic of an upcoming blog!) has been life changing!
So I implore all women (and men too! just not so much for the childbirth part :)...take notice! Bring awareness to your pelvic floor, breathe deeply into your belly and lower abdomen, soften, relax, start to notice this area of the body that we all tend to hold so tightly. This is not about 6 pack abs, flat bellies or tight asses, think beautiful Buddha belly and let your body soften and open.
No one tells us about this stuff! I am here to change that! :) Feel free to reach out, contact me, and leave a comment!
Was I ever wrong.
Childbirth is like life. And I was approaching it the way I had approached life for so many years. Be strong, do it myself, don't let anyone else in. Muscle my way through it.
Let me invite you to consider a new way. Letting go, finding a balance of relaxed surrender and purposeful action is such a smoother way to flow with life...and childbirth!
One of the biggest awarenesses I've had in my exploration of sacred sexuality and healing is the power of the PC Muscles. And wow are they a physical manifestation of the analogy for learning to let go!
PC Muscles. Pubococcygeus muscle. The muscles in the pelvic floor that retain the flow of urine for example. Found in both men and women, fitness and fluidity in these muscles can change the way we experience childbirth as well as our sexuality, vibrancy and orgasm.
So my aha moment was when I realized you can do more than what most of us know as "Kegel clenches" with these muscles!
Many of us know about clenching them, pulling upward, retaining. This can help create tone in the muscles, which is really important. And only one half of the balance. The clench pulling upward tends to create and inspire tension. So we are told "clench and release clench and release" and what often happens in my experience and in my research with others is we "clench hold, maybe release a fraction, then clench again". The release and relax portion gets sort of skimmed over. And the next piece gets ignored altogether....
So here's the other piece! And no one tells us about this! You can actually relax them, then push out the other way, so the sensation is a blooming, an opening, downward and outward.
Ahhhh!! Clench, release (really release, not just a little bit) and RELAX (this takes a ton of time and relaxation and practice of "being" not doing... so foreign for most of us who carry chronic tightness in the pelvic floor) and then push downward, outward and bloom open!
I truly believe I went through nearly the entire experience of childbirth clenching and pulling upward, effectively holding on to my daughter, when I thought I was pushing her out! No wonder it took so long and felt so hard!
It's only now, a decade later, after a lot of pelvic awareness and healing that I can notice the difference between a "clenching, retaining" muscle push and a "blooming, releasing" muscle push. The empowerment in my life, my sexuality and my orgasmic repertoire (oh so the topic of an upcoming blog!) has been life changing!
So I implore all women (and men too! just not so much for the childbirth part :)...take notice! Bring awareness to your pelvic floor, breathe deeply into your belly and lower abdomen, soften, relax, start to notice this area of the body that we all tend to hold so tightly. This is not about 6 pack abs, flat bellies or tight asses, think beautiful Buddha belly and let your body soften and open.
No one tells us about this stuff! I am here to change that! :) Feel free to reach out, contact me, and leave a comment!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sharing Love Energy...Aack! Guilt & Shame!
How often do we sabotage ourselves against pleasure and love? What's it like to really open to the possibility of allowing loving energy to move through our bodies? And IF we actually let ourselves feel that, do we let ourselves share that with a partner?!
Seems obvious, yet actually what I've seen (and experienced!) over and over is that while our analytical Minds say "Heck yeah, count me in for feeling good!" our Bodies often speak a very different message, like screaming "Hey no way, I don't feel safe, I am tightening up here can't you hear me?! Stop, you're not listening!". Speaking from my own personal experience... I have felt myself start to feel pleasure, get scared and close down, A LOT.
I've done a lot of healing around that, letting old junky stuff move out of my body, honoring her. For that I am grateful! And it's not over, it's a path! I am willing to continue this deep, edgy, vulnerable journey that is also so rewarding with the Bliss of opening, allowing and feeling!
And by partner, I don't necessarily mean someone we are physically or sexually attracted to. What's it like to hold open the space of a Transcendental Love connection? What I am referring to is sharing Universal Love, that Oneness that connects us all. We often get this confused with Romantic Love or Human Love. And while Romantic Love can be really wonderful, and perhaps be present in that same Transcendental Love connection, it's not required! So we get worried, like "Oh, I am not supposed to be feeling pleasure with this person (or in this environment, or by myself)" so we shut it down, turn it off, and stop feeling. We are basically sabotaging ourselves from feeling our own true, innate nature!
We are innately blissful beings, Infinite Beings in Finite form. We've just created so many layers of armor and barriers (note: barriers are different than healthy boundaries, which do support our freedom and bliss!) around ourselves that we don't notice our blissful nature. So consider letting go, shedding the layers to let your innate Bliss shine through! And enjoy sharing this in a Loving connection with a tree, a friend or another fellow human you are blessed to walk on this planet with at this time! Give yourself permission, you deserve it :)
Seems like it's easy right? "Sure why not feel good?! Count me in!"
Seems obvious, yet actually what I've seen (and experienced!) over and over is that while our analytical Minds say "Heck yeah, count me in for feeling good!" our Bodies often speak a very different message, like screaming "Hey no way, I don't feel safe, I am tightening up here can't you hear me?! Stop, you're not listening!". Speaking from my own personal experience... I have felt myself start to feel pleasure, get scared and close down, A LOT.
I've done a lot of healing around that, letting old junky stuff move out of my body, honoring her. For that I am grateful! And it's not over, it's a path! I am willing to continue this deep, edgy, vulnerable journey that is also so rewarding with the Bliss of opening, allowing and feeling!
And by partner, I don't necessarily mean someone we are physically or sexually attracted to. What's it like to hold open the space of a Transcendental Love connection? What I am referring to is sharing Universal Love, that Oneness that connects us all. We often get this confused with Romantic Love or Human Love. And while Romantic Love can be really wonderful, and perhaps be present in that same Transcendental Love connection, it's not required! So we get worried, like "Oh, I am not supposed to be feeling pleasure with this person (or in this environment, or by myself)" so we shut it down, turn it off, and stop feeling. We are basically sabotaging ourselves from feeling our own true, innate nature!
We are innately blissful beings, Infinite Beings in Finite form. We've just created so many layers of armor and barriers (note: barriers are different than healthy boundaries, which do support our freedom and bliss!) around ourselves that we don't notice our blissful nature. So consider letting go, shedding the layers to let your innate Bliss shine through! And enjoy sharing this in a Loving connection with a tree, a friend or another fellow human you are blessed to walk on this planet with at this time! Give yourself permission, you deserve it :)
Friday, July 1, 2011
Freedom and Expansion! Yes, Boundaries make it happen!
Often when I mention the word "Boundaries" I sense a familiar grimace of "oh no, that sounds like a list of restrictions". Actually not so! In fact, just the opposite is true.
When we can check-in with our authentic selves and sense what our boundaries are, and then communicate them clearly and with compassion, we actually support ourselves into full, yummy freedom! And this allows us to begin to drop away the barriers we've erected over time that are often subconscious, unhealthy ways of keeping people out.
For example, consider a study that was done with kids on a playground. Playground equipment was set up in the center of a large, open space. At first, the kids come out to play and they stay fairly clustered in on the equipment. Next, a fence is erected around the perimeter of the open space. Now the kids come out to play, and they play FULLY, out to the edges of the space.
Notice how when the edges are unclear, the kids contract away from their fullest potential of playful freedom. But when that same spot of grass becomes clearly a safe space to play, they are able to expand into exploring the edges. The same applies with our adult selves. Our Divine Feminine energy needs to feel safe before she feels ready to open into yummy playful vibrancy! And it's our Healthy Masculine energy that provides that safe container, the space for her to play. He is ever present in his clear, conscious awareness, witnessing without judging her. And in that she feels safe to surrender and open to share her light and energy.
So check in with the messages of your body, from your authentic place of clarity (not from your wounded or addicted self), and be willing to explore softening and opening into new edges by honoring your boundaries and those of the ones around you.
I would love to support you in your journey of self awareness, I offer Individual and Couple Coaching, Group Classes, Workshops, and Retreats. Read more at my website at www.MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com and please contact me to explore the possibilities!
New!!! An update! Since I posted this last July, I am honored to now have available a series of videos...and one of them is on this very topic! Check it out here "How Boundaries Support Freedom":
Boundaries support Freedom and Expansion! Yes, really!
When we can check-in with our authentic selves and sense what our boundaries are, and then communicate them clearly and with compassion, we actually support ourselves into full, yummy freedom! And this allows us to begin to drop away the barriers we've erected over time that are often subconscious, unhealthy ways of keeping people out.
For example, consider a study that was done with kids on a playground. Playground equipment was set up in the center of a large, open space. At first, the kids come out to play and they stay fairly clustered in on the equipment. Next, a fence is erected around the perimeter of the open space. Now the kids come out to play, and they play FULLY, out to the edges of the space.
Notice how when the edges are unclear, the kids contract away from their fullest potential of playful freedom. But when that same spot of grass becomes clearly a safe space to play, they are able to expand into exploring the edges. The same applies with our adult selves. Our Divine Feminine energy needs to feel safe before she feels ready to open into yummy playful vibrancy! And it's our Healthy Masculine energy that provides that safe container, the space for her to play. He is ever present in his clear, conscious awareness, witnessing without judging her. And in that she feels safe to surrender and open to share her light and energy.
So check in with the messages of your body, from your authentic place of clarity (not from your wounded or addicted self), and be willing to explore softening and opening into new edges by honoring your boundaries and those of the ones around you.
I would love to support you in your journey of self awareness, I offer Individual and Couple Coaching, Group Classes, Workshops, and Retreats. Read more at my website at www.MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com and please contact me to explore the possibilities!
New!!! An update! Since I posted this last July, I am honored to now have available a series of videos...and one of them is on this very topic! Check it out here "How Boundaries Support Freedom":
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