What does "Love" mean to you?!

Recently, I wrote a bit about love:

"So what does "love" mean to you? Does it evoke an expansive, bright feeling of aliveness? A state of being and awareness that is transcendental? Or do you feel fleeting happiness, or even anger, guilt, or shame? I invite you to explore "love" as a state of being, as the Oneness that we all share, Universal Love. This is different than human, romantic love. While romantic love can also be wonderful, it lies in a transitory place, a duality...one moment love, the next hate. What's it like to transmute, transform and purge our old ideas of love into the infinite energy space? One that empowers us to be our fully authentic selves! Love as a state of being!"

...and then invited a deeper exploration at the Temple Community Gathering.  An inspiring man, a client of mine I will refer to as PS, reached out, unable to attend the Gathering in person, and shared a bit of his story.  I shared his story at the Gathering, and the response was overwhelmingly resonant!

It has been such an honor to work with PS over the past few years, I am impressed by his body awareness and willingness to slow down and notice it's messages.  His personal growth and brightness has bloomed over this time as he's embodied the very concepts we work with and integrated them into his life's path!

Many people at the Gathering that day asked to see the email he shared.  I am grateful to have his permission, and am happy to share his words here (the color emphasis I've added)!

Sure Leslie,

Thank you for the opportunity. My personal discovery has been that as I started connecting more and more with my body on my journey over the last few years and listening to my body's signals to me I realized that love was not what I was taught my upbringing it was. Through my surroundings and popular culture I was taught that signs of love are 'being struck' by somebody, butterflies in the stomach, anticipation of how the date will turn out, will the person like me as much as I do them etc, increased heart rate, shortness of breath, even difficulty sleeping etc... Well, it turned out, at least for my body, that those are symptoms of fear.  So I realized that what I was always told was love was actually fear - exact opposite of love. I also realized that the language we use to describe this is more fear-like than love-like. We say 'fall in love' - I would now much rather like 'ascend into love'. I have had women tell me in the past that I am so handsome that 'they get weak when they see me' or that their 'knees get weak' thinking they give me a complement - I would have preferred that they had told me that they get strong when they see me. That would be more like love.

It has been the truth in my life that the origin of the fear is the energetic resemblance between the person and those that, although they loved us, actually hurt us most - our parents. The spirit in me recognizes the energies of those that attempted to disconnect us from the source and the body reacts with fear. As I have not been raised to understand what love is and what joy is so as to get my life energy from them, I learned to get energy and the feeling of being alive from cheap thrills and fears - one of them being the fear of those that look like those that hurt me. So I used to go for it - I would get the buzz of feeling alive - like I always do from any fear inducing event. Naturally those relationships had to 'go bad' at some point. Actually they were 'bad' from beginning - they started with fear!

Love is entirely different and is a state of being and it can be heightened by the presence of another person and I try now to seek those types of relationships - that will help me ascend to love, not fall into fear. I am also trying to understand what the role of 'exclusivity' is in relationships which to me feels more like ownership or tax-beneficial societal arrangements rather than love enhancing arrangement.  I don't have answers yet that would give me certainty with which I can organize my life but am continuing my journey.

This is an important topic for my growth and thank you for the opportunity to write a bit about it. I wish I could be there at the gathering - hope to do it next time.

With love, PS

Explore how love feels in your body, and please share your comments!

Namaste,
Leslie

What is your "Sex Elevator Speech"?!

A couple of months ago at a Temple Community Gathering here at Mystery School of the Temple Arts in Dearborn, MI, we explored sharing our "Sex Elevator Speeches", and at the most recent Gathering yesterday, the topic came up again with wild interest!  So I decided to share more about it!

Gratitude to one of my amazing teachers and fellow colleague, Reid Mihalko, for sharing this!  His wild, open and safe approach to love and sexuality is inspiring and fun!   He suggests sharing 5 key points about your Sexuality with anyone you meet!  Try offering your answers to the following 5 questions with a friend, a lover or a new connection...and then ask them to share theirs with you!:

1. What is your Relationship Status, and what are your Relationship Rules/Boundaries?  Are you not in a relationship at all?  Do you have one partner?  More than one partner?  Which gender(s)?  Are you married?  Do you follow traditional rules in your marriage or have you agreed to alternative ones?  What are your unique rules? Etc.
2. When were you last tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI's)?, which ones?, what were the results?  Release fear and shame about these infections, open honest communication can shift a ton of anxiety.  Learn more about the infections and notice they aren't as scary as you may think.  Learn safe ways to connect deeply, regardless of your status. 
3. What are your Safer Sex Protocols? For example condom usage...do you use one for penetrative sex only?  Oral sex?  Do you use a dental dam?  Do you have a fluid bonded partner (meaning no barrier usage at all)? Etc.
4. What do you really Like to explore sexually? Note, this does not have to be just a list of "sex acts"...your answer might include something like one of mine that I will share here! "I really like to explore deep, conscious, connections with people, both men and women, and let our bodies decide how that energy sharing unfolds!"
5. What do you Not Like?  Again, in addition to a list of actions, explore what other facets don't work for you.  One of mine is: "I don't like disrespect or boundary pushing.  I love to explore a range of energies from soft and expansive to intense and raw, perhaps even shocking to some...however it must be with full awareness and respect of all parties involved!"

And don't assume you know the answers for yourself until you speak them!   If you are in a partnership, explore saying them out loud, in your own words, with each other.  You might be surprised what you learn together!

For example, my Love and I, after having been in a deeply connected, highly communicative, polyamorous relationship for over a year, were still surprised to hear how each of us shared our answers when we first learned this!  It was a beautiful way to expand our sexual path together!

In love and light!  Leslie

Which Mystery School of the Temple Arts class is right for me?!

Often I get questions about the classes offered at Mystery School of the Temple Arts.  Here's an introduction to them that I wrote in a recent newsletter that thought I would share to help navigate which class is right for you!  And as always, feel free to contact me directly with any questions! If you've been considering a class, and wondering which is right for you...I recommend starting with the morning workshop on Feb 11th ("One Love: Sacred Sexual Healing Workshop"), this is a great Introduction to the path of Sacred Sexuality and sets the stage beautifully for the afternoon experience the same day ("Pleasure, Love ,Bliss...Just BE it!!" Feb 11th), as well as providing a beautiful Introduction to working with me privately if that is of interest!  Once you've had some experience with this work (helpful experience includes practices such as meditation, qigong and yoga that bring mindfulness and breath awareness, even if you haven't had a class like this before), the Playshops (Feb 25th and March 24th) are an excellent way to deepen your practice.    And as always, "Tantric Energy Touch" (next offered on March 25th) has had great reviews and is also an excellent place to start, as well as deepen, your practice.    Any class can be taken multiple times, each time the energy of the group differs and offers unique experiences.  And the "One Love: Sacred Sexual Healing Workshop" has some exciting and powerful new content since it was last offered so I invite you to join in again if you feel called! Reminder that classes sizes are limited and they do tend to fill up, pre-registration is required.  More details on all classes and refund policies are listed on-line. If you have any questions, or would like to chat about which class feels right for you, feel free to contact me!  Also with the help of amazing people in my life, I have created some videos to share a bit more about facets of this powerful, life changing path.  If you'd like to see and hear more, consider starting with this one: Sacred Sexuality: Overcoming Fears & Finding Your Truth Love and light to you all!    Namaste, Leslie

Announcing New Radio Show!

I was recently at a yoga workshop with Arthur Kilmurray and was inspired in so many ways (special thank you to Katherine Schaefer for hosting)!  I had many, what I call, "Body Aha Moments!" as he teaches from a place rooted in body wisdom.  And in the realm of body our biggest hurdle can often be slowing down enough to notice the messages!  He shared a quote about living life from Mary Oliver that really resonated for me, and it went something like this:

 "Notice (Pay Attention), Be Astonished (Get excited!) and TELL About it!"

Those closest to me see how often I get excited about new awarenesses, things to share, it's so wonderful!  Often though, for me, I get stuck before the "Tell About it" Part...I share with those close to me but the vulnerability of sharing more broadly sometimes feels scary and I contract.

As Spirit is guiding me to share my story, more and more I am feeling called to share the deeper, harder stuff.  To invite others to see that there are possibilities in life, love, consciousness and sexuality far beyond what we often think are possible.

Sure enough, as I declared my readiness to the Universe, a beautiful opportunity unfolded.  And now I am thrilled and honored to announce my new Radio Show!

I am so excited!! I will be hosting this monthly radio program beginning March 20, 2012! "Sacred Sexuality with Leslie Blackburn" will air live on Body Mind Spirit Radio the 3rd Tuesday of each month from 10-11am (now a new time, same day!).

Options to Listen in live:

1) Internet streaming: Go to Body Mind Spirit Radio (no sign-in required)

2) By phone: call 646 378-0378 to listen in! You don't have to talk, however if you choose to talk, dial 1 to be in the caller queue

3) Join in directly to Leslie's Show Event on Body Mind Spirit Radio (requires a free sign-up, enables you to leave a comment & join in the chat room)

First one: Tuesday Mar 20, 2012, 12-1pm (EST), continuing the 3rd Tuesday of each month!

Please join me each month for straight talk, enthusiastic support and heart-felt encouragement for YOU to OPEN up to YOUR Sacred Sexuality!

“Normal” is just a button on a washing machine

At this time of the winter solstice nature experiences an energy of slowing down, going inward, and shedding of old skins - like deaths in preparation for rebirth. This is reflected in us as well, yet sometimes we meet this natural tendency with resistance, or feel so overwhelmed with activity and stresses that we don’t even realize we need to slow down.

So as I sank into some inward time recently, I realized that much of how my life is structured now is so very different than 15, 10, or even 5 years ago! The way I naturally experience my life now, they way I create it, is so vastly different than before that I often forget that at one time I didn’t even realize it was possible!  And so as I hear clients and other people remark about frustrations they have in their own lives, often in 3^rd person generalizations…things like “well you know, all men out there are…” or “everyone is stressed out and rushed, that’s normal” or “no I wasn’t abused, but I did experience, you know, the ‘normal’ spankings and verbal attacks of child hood” or “you can’t just leave your job…”

I would like to offer a new way of seeing it - a sample of a possible reality, a portion of my story. And share that it didn’t all happen easily or overnight, it was progression of waking up, seeing things a new way, making mistakes and trying again, feeling the differences in my body as I explored new ways of being.

So let me share a few things that I used to consider “normal”, or even necessary, that are no longer a regular part of my life:

1. Diet Coke (or other artificial beverages) – in high school I drank the stuff like crazy, I quit a year or two into college, suddenly headaches I had experienced regularly went away. Over time, other artificial foods and substances that no longer resonate for me have dropped away as well.
2. Bar Scene – I thought the only form of recreation and meeting people was hanging out with alcohol and “friends”. Sure it was great for numbing out, but once the drinking stopped I realized how sensory-overloading the places are. Sports on TV’s, music, loud conversations, aggressive behaviors, heavy food, smoke (or at least in those days) so overwhelming to the senses…that is, when I finally started to feel my senses again.
3. The TV and associated media bombardment - I realized the thing was on when no one was even in the room. Or it would be on with people in the room and no one watching it. So I turned it off. At first it was hard… it was so QUIET! Wow, silence. Suddenly I had to start listening to the voices in my head that I had been drowning out for so long.
4. Sitting at a Desk – I sat at a desk all through school, college, 15 years of corporate engineering. We in the west just assume we must sit in chairs and position tables or desks in front of us to eat or work. I began sitting cross-legged, meditation style, on a zafu (cushion filled with buck wheat hulls, designed for meditation) years ago to explore meditation and yoga. I realized after I left corporate life that I enjoyed sitting that way so much more than in a chair. So I created a workstation for my laptop which positions it in front of me at arm level, while seated on a zafu on the floor. This is how I spent the computer portion of my “work day” now!

I feel so far removed from some of these things that often they don’t even cross my mind in the realm of possible options anymore, sort of like a whole new baseline of what is “normal” in my world and that of my closest friends. Sometimes I forget they exist.  I feel healthier, happier and more connected to my body than I have ever felt. Does that seem possible?! Yes, it is!

So if you feel stuck, how can you begin to make the shifts that feel good for you?  How do you even know what feels good from a place of authentic self? (Note this can be very different than the messages from your wounded self that often throws in some curve balls like “oh yes eating chocolate covered marshmallows all day long sounds like it would feel soooo good!”) 

Here are a few things that have been pivotal for me. 

Journaling

Get a journal and a pen and start writing! Stream of consciousness at first, just dump out all the thoughts in your head. No need to write with any grammar or spelling perfection, or even sentence structure. Just let the thoughts pour out.

The book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron was one of my big inspirations for this. I was resistant at first…I remember thinking, ”I’m not a writer”. I recall at one point in my early days of journaling literally writing the words “blah, blah, blah, I don’t feel like writing right now, I don’t know what I should be writing, blah, blah, blah….” And within a few more lines, emotions, thoughts and important awarenesses in my life began pouring onto the pages. The key was giving it a chance, actually doing it daily to create the new pattern.

Years later, I still journal regularly as an integral part of my life and how I process self-growth. What and how it works for me has changed in many beautiful ways and it all began with simply putting pen to paper!

Meditation

Just slow down enough to notice 5 breaths. Sit quietly, remove distractions (silence phones, turn down lights, find a comfy way to support your body while remaining alert, an erect seated position works well for this if you can get comfy in it…knees below hips help keep the back happy) and notice your breathing. See if you can count 5 breaths, each inhale, each exhale, and just notice what it feels like to breathe. If after those first 5 breaths it still feels good to explore what might open up, stay seated and continue. If after those first 5 breaths it feels like you are done, then get up and continue with your day.

Slowing down like this gives us a chance to actually notice the messages that may be bombarding us to get our attention, but we’re operating in such an accelerated state we never knew they were there. So if you feel a flood of thoughts…take this chance to journal! Capture the ones you are worried you’ll forget about, make a to-do list, etc. Notice the ones that don’t need your attention and let them float on. And notice if some come in that you are resisting: write them down, see them, witness them. Give them the honor of being seen, even if you don’t like it. And then notice if some space opens up to just BE in the moment.

Often our mind just needs some reassurance that you’ve got things captured, so you can let go of the reins a little bit and relax.

Yoga

Yoga or, at a minimum, a form of movement where you are also noticing your breath and your body is also important. Mindful, intentional movement and flow is very different than disconnecting from your body and forcing yourself to “exercise” because you “should” (hmm….reading a magazine on the stationary bike sound familiar to anyone? Yes, I have to admit, it does to me!). Yoga is about union, finding and connecting with opposite energies in the body to integrate and find balance.

I was drawn to yoga initially for the physical benefits (at the time I was endurance athlete who had experienced many overuse injuries) to improve flexibility and strengthen the small balancing muscles in my body. What I experienced over the last 15 years in my practice was a shift in awareness to the spirituality of yoga, the life philosophy of yoga. What began as “what poses can I do?” has grown into “what can I learn about myself from the poses?”. My yoga practice has helped me discover more about who I really am, because of the awareness it’s brought me about the messages of my body and breath.


Consider this…there is no “normal”! “Normal” is just a button on a washing machine.  The only people who are “normal” are the ones you don’t know very well. YOU get to define your life, you don’t have to force yourself into any boxes that society wants to create for you. Rewrite your script, repattern the old limiting beliefs that lead you into thinking they are the only way.

You have the power to choose!

Decide if anything I've suggested here resonates for you and if so, go for it! And no need to beat yourself up if it feels like there’s too much to tackle at once! Go slow, take your time, start noticing your life and your patterns and see if there are ways to make small changes right now that will shift your trajectory over time. It doesn’t have to match my list, I only offer it here as a possible reality. Notice what your list is. And while it all doesn’t have to happen overnight… Yes it CAN BEGIN right now!

What do you feel stuck with because you assume it's "normal"?  What do you choose to change?

Update!  I invite you to join in what has become a daily practice for me, year around, for the past several years.  I feel safer in my body, more comfortable in my skin, more relaxed and less anxious than ever before.  It helps me release stress and "plug-in" to the sweet resource of the Earth....Ahhhhh!  See more about and how to do this practice at my video "Barefeet Earth!!" here>>

Play! Laughter as Healing!

During a yoga class I was taking recently, my teacher asked us to reflect back on the earliest memories of being a child just spinning around in circles in the yard until falling over in exhaustion and laughter.  She encouraged us to bring that element of playful freedom into our practice that morning.  Yes!  I love this!  And I so enjoyed playing in that freedom during my practice!  However, at the same time I realized my most playful memories are more recent than childhood.  As I kid I was always so shy and hard on myself that I never really let myself let go into that care-free bliss.

So a few days later unseasonably warm weather inspired my 9 yr old daughter and I to spend some time at the park.  We ended up playing on the play structure, in a very open space near the ball fields.  I had a blast hanging upside down on the monkey bars (thanks to my recent love of the aerial arts totally healing my traumatic experience of falling from them as a kid, a subject worthy of a blog of it's own!).

But when she asked me to play Hide & Seek, my initial analytical reaction was to think "oh no, there's really no place to hide around here, and I don't like playing hide and seek, and...".  Immediately the inspiration from yoga flooded back in through my body...YES!  I WILL play hide and seek, because, well why not?!

So we did!  "3, 2, 1...ready or not here I come!!"

The wide open space we were in made "logical" hiding spots limited.  And what I quickly experienced was you don't always need logic...just PLAY! 

On my first turn to hide, I curled in a ball on the grass underneath the picnic blanket we brought.  Surely she won't see me, she'll see it as just a crumple on the ground.  As I waited for the count down my ribs heaved with the laughter I was trying to suppress...which made me laugh even harder at the thought!  Of course she quickly came up behind me and announced she could see my shoes, which just caused an explosion of laughter as she pounced on top of me blanket and all!!

Another time as I "hid" in plain view on top of the play structure in a ball, she walked about two step before being directly in my line of sight.  "WAIT!" I declared, as I placed a pebble on my head.  "I am hiding under a rock and you can't see me!!"  BWWAHHH HA HA!  We roared again and again!!!...

I can't recall the last time I laughed so hard and let go in play so deeply!  And it felt sooooo good!  My connection with my daughter deepened, and I felt so alive and vibrant!  Truly a healing, blissful experience :)

Invite yourself to let go in play, what's stopping you?!

Should I Avoid Orgasm?

I was on the phone with a wonderful woman recently, very spiritually aware and present, and we were discussing a totally unrelated topic, when she nervously asked if she could ask me a more intimate question. I responded, yes of course!  I love supporting people in asking the toughest, most embarrassing questions.  And creating that safe space to do so is very important to me!

So she proceeded to ask about orgasms.  "Should I avoid having orgasms?"  She had been exploring her sexuality and her spirituality, and after reading about some tantric practices was concerned that she may be losing life force energy through her orgasms, so perhaps she should limit them.  She had experienced some mystical, orgasmic experiences in meditation, and thought that perhaps she should limit the physical sexual experiences in favor of exploring the mystical.

In short my answer was "Heck no!  If they feel good, no need to stop!  Enjoy your orgasms! Yes, keep having them! Feel them nourish you!"  and oh by the way, by exploring the physical and sexual, you can also expand your capacity to explore the spiritual and mystical! 

I went on to explain my thoughts on this topic! 

Many of the ancient texts were written by men for men, so sometimes in the translation process the relevancy for women gets missed.  What I believe she had likely encountered were teachings that are focused for men based on ancient traditions that work within the realm of energy. 

To state this complex topic as simply as possible, begins with the premise that our creative, sexual, life force energy is contained within our sexual organs (sperm in the testicles for men, ova (eggs) in the ovaries for women).  Therefore when a man has a traditional orgasm* that includes an ejaculation, he releases sperm from his body and therefore loses some of that life force energy.  However, when women experience orgasm, we do not release the ovum from our body, and therefore do not necessarily experience the same drain of energy.  (Notice I say "necessarily", let's come back to this later** :)  Instead, a woman will more typically feel drained during menstruation, when the egg leaves the body.

Female orgasms generate a tremendous amount of wonderful, nourishing, nurturing, magnetic energy! Think of it as a coccoon of energy surrounding her and her partner(s).  All those involved are then able to breathe and absorb the healing, nurturing qualities of this energy into their own bodies and energy fields.  Allow it in, feel the vibrancy, the nourishment and let it feed you with love and light!

So yes ladies!  Allow yourself to freely experience your orgasms!  Share the loving energy with your partner and breathe in the nurturing qualities for yourselves as well! 

* Orgasm for men as we typically know of it includes an ejaculation at so nearly the same time that we don't even realize they are two separate events.  Yes guys, orgasm and ejaculation can be separated!  This is an empowering practice that can change your capacity for pleasure and pleasure with your partner, in phenomenal ways!  See MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com to learn more.

**And yes there are many types of female orgasm, some feel more draining than others.  In short, "energy-giving" orgasms are an exploration of expansion and blooming open in bliss, whereas "energy-draining" orgasms are more contracting and tense, maybe even feeling like "it wasn't worth it" afterwards.  You can learn to enjoy energy-giving orgasms as often as you like!   See MysterySchooloftheTempleArts.com for classes and private sessions to learn more. Also, more on Female Orgasm in a future blog! Including a whole new way of looking at orgasms (they aren't just limited to physical experiences!) :)


As always I welcome comments here and please feel free to contact me directly!